Quick update as to where I have been.
March 8th I was laid off from the job that I thought would be mine til I retired, if that ever happened. It blindsided me. Although in retrospect it really shouldn't have. You see. I was hired as a replacement. The woman I was replacing "left" because her husband began working nights. And she wanted to work nights as well. To be with him. Her kids are older. So they didnt need her during the day so much .. yada yada yada. So I was hired. Trained. Taught. The whole nine yards. But she never really "left" She worked part time. She kept a coffee cup on one of the desks. She came to the holiday party. She didnt special assignments for the department manager. Then after the holidays,, she began working more days. More hours. I saw this. But I thought "Hey. They just gave me this HUGE account and have been grooming me to take this account from start to finish. All the way through. I've been here past the "trial period" I am here on time every morning. I work thru my lunch with no complaint if needed. I stay late. I come in early when asked. I am a hard worker. A reliable worker. they know this. they appreciate this. I am loyal. Well. So were they. To the employee that had "left" them.
Her husband went back to working days. She missed him. She was unhappy with her night job. That she had left them for. So after work on a Thursday. They asdked to speak with me. I was told the company was "going in a different direction" and that my position " was now obsolete" 
I cried. Not in front of them. I cleaned out my desk. Forgot a few things that in the end are not important at all. And I drove the 10 minutes to the barn to feed my horse and clean his stall. I cried there. Into his mane. Then I got into my Hyundai and drove home to tell my husband that I had just lost my job. I was destroyed. I loved that place. loved the work. Loved the customers. Loved my coworkers. loved the short commute. And I was let go because the woman that left wanted her job back.
A month later I was surprised by a text from a co worker there. Her husband had been laid off. As had the other co workers husband. And the woman who got her job back because her husband went back to day shift? Well, her husband went back to working nights. And it gets better. His job? Now over an hour away in another state.

Now. I am not saying that these women deserved this. Well maybe the one did ;) And I know that they werent the ones to make the choice between myself and the woman that originally I was replacing. But I am hoping that this rather swift turn of events actually began with the top people in the company. the ones that DID what they did. Yes. I am bitter still. After several months. And I will admit that it is odd for me to still be upset about this. After all. I am a survivor of having my parents divorce,when I was old enough to know what was happening. And I let that go rather easily. Forgiveness and all that. And I forgave my first husband for cheating on me so blatantly. Let that go  as well. But this? I am still angry. Why? Because I was HAPPY.

I had been driving home crying tears of happiness for months working there. After working at the hell hole I had been in for the previous nearly 2 years, this place had been heaven. I had given them everything. I had been HAPPY there. really . Truly. Happy. And it was gone. Because someone had changed their minds. Regretted a decision they made. So I was out of a job. One of the millions on unemployment.

I started out strong on interviews. But nothing panned out. I was told I was "too educated" "too skilled" which, in this economy equals "too expensive" "What will stop you from leaving when the economy improves?" Um Loyalty! I was told, after an extensive phone interview, that I was "perfect" for a position at a well paying job. They sent me a computer generated "test"  It was a personality test of sorts. The computer decided that I was not a good fit for the company, based on my answers to two "pages" of multiple choice questions.
 Never mind the skills base. The extensive knowledge base. The experience. Nope. The computer said I wasnt a fit. *That company is STILL looking to fill that position*

So with the freedom. And the pittance of money that I get from the department of unemployment every week. I have decided I have had enough. Enough of being the frontline of other peoples business's. Enough of building relationships with their customers. ie building the business owners bank balance.  I am tired of working for someone else and being their employee on day to day, whim basis.
I have an education. I have experience. I am older, wiser. Or so I have been told, since these things are keeping me from being hired.
** Did you know that the age of 40 is now when you become protected against age discrimination? Ya do now! 40 isnt old!!!**
So I am starting my own business. Building it slowly. Very slowly, since I have bills that I am responsible for. And the money I get weekly barely covers them.

I have been told from the time I was a child that I have a gift. I can draw. Seems it runs on my fathers side. He could draw a cathedral on a napkin. My Aunt Doris had been accepted into an art university out of high school. But didnt go. instead she married my uncle.

My mother has been after me for YEARS to do something with my talent.  Photography, which I delved into last year when I was sick was a HUGE step. Now that I have time between sending out my resume in a fruitless attempt to find work beyond min wage. I have been sketching out those photos. My mom and her husband have been so supportive. They have given me money to get a screen printing machine and supplies. So I have been emulsing and burning screens. And inking Tee shirts! I can not tell you how awesome it is to see your own art work on a piece of clothing! I gave one of the original t's to my mom. I now have a box full of t's that we are going to bring, as actual vendors, to the BSAAC Endicott Estate car show July 8th.  We have a tent. We have hang tags coming.  I am hoping. Praying that they sell well. My wonderful husband Sean has been working on the website. Check it out at www.FCZDesigns.net
Yes, those are MY DESIGNS! MY WORK! Eventually I will have them available on my Etsy store as well. It's supposed to rain next week. So I will aim for then on getting them up over there. I want. Need this to be my full time job. I want to get so big that I cant print the t's myself, but have to outsource them. I want to do the bigger events all the time.

I was hoping to be able to get into Equine Affair this November. But as we are just starting out, I dont think that they will be interested in us. So this fall we are going to try and do smaller events and craft shows. Next year we are aiming higher. Comic Con and such, with the penney t's and zombie t's.  The Massachusetts Tattoo Convention in March with the zombie t's. Some horse shows and events with the horse t's.  And maybe next year EA.

I have also already garnered some design and printing jobs from local business's. One which will be wearing the shirts at Devon(big horse show event) Other is a local daycare.  So this has some potential. As long as we move smartly. And we will.

Funding though is a hassle. I would love more inks. Oh the colors! More platens. More screens. More blanks(t shirts) Another screen printing set up. More emulsion etc etc etc.
I have tried. TRIED crowd funding. Crowd funding, I have discovered only works if you:

1) Have an already established business presence and just want it to grow some more.
2) Have A LOT of supportive family, friends, co workers, neighbors and acquaintances.
3) Have a huge network that stems from your supportive family, friends etc etc
4) Have a project that  * you are making/building/doing something that is going to help a foreign country grow food.   A pet get surgery. A new video game. Or fund some kind of ""make it a better world"" type of movie/documentary/film/book or podcast.*

If you don't have one or two, or any of the above.... crowd funding is not going to work for you.  Oh and you can hope someone stumbles upon you all you want. I have to say though I was happy to see that "Slutty Chick"" that was looking for free money so that she could go out partying. Didn't get a penny. Even though she promised video of herself having a good time on your dime. *rolling eyes*
My sense of humour, although intact would have not dealt with her getting money well at all.

So. I am putting money on my own horse now. It's on me. I want to make something. For myself. For my family.
 I want to show my daughter that with hard work and loyalty you CAN get somewhere in life. My whole life to this point has been about working my hardest. Giving my all for what ever company I was getting a paycheck from. And being un appreciated for it. I can tell you.
I APPRECIATE the hard work I AM putting into the rest of my life. I hope that others see my work and do as well.


Martha